Loot review

Cast: Govinda, Javed Jafferi, Suniel Shetty, Mahesh Manjrekar, Mahakshay Chakraborty, Shweta Bhardwaj, Ravi Kissan, Prem Chopra

'Jab main lighter jalaunga, toh itni roshani ho jayegi, ki lagega ki Hrithik Roshan aa gaya hain.' When a movie begins with this line, you know you're in a 'comedy of confusions' where the humour has been purchased from a garage sale. If you still have expectations from a Govinda movie, you'll probably even like it, for he does play the kind of role he has before in a trillion films: oversmart, blunt motor-mouth and unpardonably goofy. But if you've reserved those trillion movies for TV, then hang around, this one shouldn't be a while. Sunday blob-buster, anyone?

Bollywood's second favourite genre after song-and-dance-romance, Crime and comedy, spread over each other like Mallika Sherawat and wet sand. And just like the example, either doesn't shine with or without the other. But 'Loot' actually manages to hit a new low, even for the modest expectations that people have from this film.

So, let's meet our gang of goofy criminals. Firstly we have our deliciously dodgy duo, Akbar (Javed Jafferi) and Pandit (Govinda). Akbar is the king of cocky while Pandit's words go around the world in a rollercoaster before reaching the point, which in most cases, doesn't even exist.  These two gang up with the beefy, Builder (Suniel Shetty) and a chubby 'chor', Wilson (Mahakshay Chakraborty) on a mission to rob a wealthy someone in Pattaya, Thailand.

Once in Thailand, they're greeted by oddly seductive, Tanya (Shweta Bhardwaj). Oddly because, she's constantly emoting an orgasm even in casual conversations. Tanya's experimental expressions will be explained later by her ulterior motives, so please bear with her for some time. Our fearless foursome grooves to a few songs that have the film's title in the lyrics, boogie with Thailand's best exports and then get on with the robbery. A messy pickle of a situation is created as our tag-team of crooks realises that they've been used. To make things worse, Wilson ends up getting a bit too intimate with Tanya and a string of cheap dialogues follow. The ones that stick are, 'Jab hum thak thak ke so rahe the, tu so so ke thak raha tha?' and 'Aasmaan se gire, khajoor mein atka suna hain, tu toh seedhay Khajuraho mein jaake atak gaya.'

An assorted collection of promising and swearing character actors fill up the rest of the cast. Prem Chopra as the adorable don, Khansaab, who is obsessed with Bollywood movies, circa 1970. Mahesh Manjrekar as the unfunny and ruthless don, Lala. Mika and Kim Sharma as random roadside goons in Pataya and Ravi Kissan as an enthusiastic Indian intelligence officer.

The movie has its own book of pronunciations. And like the stereotypical Indian convenience store owner abroad, the word 'comfortable' is always broken into three and can be replaced with 'come-for-chair' or 'come-for-sofa'.

Govinda and Jafferi have clearly aged not-so-gracefully but still have sparks of their spontaneous wit and timing.  Shetty exposes the thinking actor in him as he's often seen pondering in the screen, possibly about why is he in this film. Mahakshay injects the Goan stereotype with steroids and suffixes every dialogue with a 'Man'. 'Aisa kaiko karta hain, man?'

Supposedly inspired from 'Crime Spree', this desi dramedy could be best remembered for its dialogues that sit on the fence between vulgar and down-right obscene. And just like the one, 'Daal ke bataya nahin jaata aur batake daala nahin jaata', tickets once sold, will not be accepted back. A clear loot of one's senses this.