You think you’re in love with him except you’re not as happy as Disney told you you’d be, is it possible that he’s not actually the right one for you?
His manners have left the building
If he rarely says please or thank you for the little things you do for him then he doesn’t deserve your attention. As your mother no doubt told you, ‘manners cost nothing’ but are a sure sign of respect and shouldn’t be abandoned by either party at any stage of a relationship.
He makes you feel like the green-eyed monster
Trust has to be earned and there’s nothing worse than losing your dignity by turning into the Incredible Hulk of insecurity and jealousy because your man makes it impossible to trust him. Sly, deceitful behaviour that leaves you questioning his intentions is not acceptable, put your foot down.
We consider ourselves feminists here at Handbag Towers and are happy to pay our way and share costs equally but if your man never offers to treat you or won’t talk about future plans that revolve around a commitment of the cash sort, ie holidays or shared rent, then it’s time to question where this is going.
He won’t meet your friends or family
This is a real worrier. Your friends are probably a huge part of your life, maybe even more so than your family and they’ve been there through thick and thin so you’ll be damned if you’re going to drop them just because you’re happily coupled up. Instead, you want to be able to enjoy the company of all of them, and yes, sometimes at the same time, but if he refuses to meet them then how committed is he to making himself a part of your life?
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If you spend more time in screaming matches, locking yourself in the loo crying as he slams the door behind him for the umpteenth time, than you do making each other laugh and giggle then stop right now. Yes, even if the making up is explosive; it is possible to have amazing sex without the slanging match before hand. You just probably don’t want to with this loser.
You feel he can only see you at your best
If you jump out of bed at six am and dash to the bathroom to put your face on before he wakes up or three months in find you’re still taking more hours than a grown woman can justify on choosing an outfit that you think he will find sexy then you don’t feel comfortable enough in his company to let him see the ‘real’ you. If you’re afraid he’ll judge you and judge your badly then this guy is not the one for you.
Your friends despise him
If he has met your friends and strangely they don’t love him like you do warning bells should ring. We’re old enough now that if our mates don’t particularly like our boyfriend it’s most definitely a reflection on the way he treats you and not because they’re suffering from the kind of jealousy you might have got from girls in high school. Your friends just want the best for you and they can probably see the flaws that love or lust has blinded you to.
He laughs at your dreams
You talk about the book you’ve always wanted to write, or wanting to learn to play the guitar or go travelling and instead of supportive encouragement he belittles or even ( how dare he?) laughs then this guy is not someone you want on your team. Your partner should want you to be happy and content and should most definitely be your number one fan in whatever you choose to do with your life. If he’s not doing a good job make room for someone who will.
He’s not willing to satisfy you in bed
Leave right now. No, seriously, do it. If you’ve tried to talk to him about what works for you in the bedroom and he’s just not interested and not because he’s shy and embarrassed but because he just doesn’t care whether you’re having a good time as long as he’s getting his rocks off then girl, be gone, he’s actually a fourteen year-old boy masquerading as a man.
He’s not willing to make the next step
If you’re ready to talk about making a future together but he side-steps every leading conversation about moving in/getting married/having children then he probably doesn’t see himself doing any of those things with you. It’s a harsh truth but men that are genuinely in love are just as soppy as we are and will quite happily discuss baby names with you. Sickening, isn’t it?
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